48. Shadow Work: Understanding the Patterns You Can't Seem to Break

Oct 2

Are you tired of reacting the same way to certain people or situations, even when you know it's not helping?

In this conversation, Ben and Mitra explore shadow work: turning toward the parts of ourselves we'd rather avoid. Ben shares his struggles with irrational reactions, while Mitra offers a three-step framework for working with activated patterns. Discover why your most difficult reactions exist for a reason, how lingering discomfort after interactions is actually useful information, and what to do when old fears try to run the show.

What You’ll Learn:

The pattern recognition test: The simple question that reveals whether a trigger points to shadow work—and why being the "common denominator" is good news.
The translator within: How your mind turns everything into a fight, stays neutral, or creates clarity—and how to choose which voice speaks in challenging moments.
When to pause: Why timing matters more than technique, and the difference between analyzing while drowning versus waiting until you're dry.

If you’re someone who ….

keeps having the same frustrating reactions with different people and wonders why the pattern repeats
wants to do inner work but feels overwhelmed about where to start or what it might open up
knows you're overreacting to certain situations but can't seem to stop yourself in the moment

…then you’ll want to be sure to listen in on this episode. Enjoy!

Chapters:

00:00 : Introduction to Shadow Work

01:15 : Defining the Shadow

03:57 : Four Key Mindsets for Inner Work

08:48 : The Three-Step Shadow Work Process

13:15 : Hearing the Bell: Recognizing When Shadow Is Active

20:14 : The Cost of Avoidance

24:41 : Working Through Activation and Overwhelm

31:47 : The Translator: Choosing Your Response

42:09 : Knowing When to Pause

46:43 : Finding the Right Help